25 Things that I could buy instead of the In Rainbows Discbox.

While I appreciate the fact that  Radiohead is releasing an $82 CD here are $82 things that you can buy for the same price.

1 45 copies of 98 Degrees Give me one night, (Una Noche) @ Amazon.com

2. A Barrel of Oil

3. BCA Blushing Pink Fusion Soft Lights & Brush Set

4. A flight from Boise to LA

5.  You can show your mom a hookers breasts

6. The Slaughter price on a cow

7. A Ducti Pink Thing watch

8. A Pioneer DVD player.

9. 195lbs of split peas.

10. Canon digital Camera

11. 4 tickets to Maroon 5 in Toronto 

12.Playstation One game console, with memory card & two controllers. It works well and is in good condition. Also included are 14 Playstation One BASIC games, 11 Playstation One DEMO games and a strategy guide for Final Fantasy VII.

13. 82 Jr. Whoppers
14. 82 Spicy Chicken Sandwhiches

15. 149 Big Macs

16. 16 lbs of marbles

17.  Sponsor a third world child for nearly 3 months.

18. Get call display on your TV.

19.  Futuristic high tech security system.

20. A bunch of Star Wars Toys

21. .108 Ounces of raw gold

22. Two Ponies

23. A flight from Miami to Freeport

24. 54 lbs of colored sand

25. A flight from Ft. Lauderdale to Atlantic City

I’m really not sure if any of these are a better deal than the In Rainbows disc box but I sure could go for a slaughtered cow right now.

Buffalo News Loves Kevin Everett.

Sure this clip was on With Leather which means that it has already been seen by about 500,000 more people than look at our site but I think that it is hilarious, and it illustrates just how bad the local news in Buffalo is.  Growing up in Toronto all of the American channels that became used to with were either the Buffalo or the Rochester feeds.  Buffalo news is one of the worst productions ever this video illustrates that, but I guess that goes without saying I mean how often does anything exciting happen in upstate New York.  In seventh grade I remember thinking how can “Fire strikes North Tonawanda” everyday.

Don’t taser me bro, I read the Sports Guy

           

So by now everyone has seen the jackass who got a shock at the John Kerry speech.  I don’t want to get too into the politics of the whole situation, but you’ve got to be crazy if from watching the video you couldn’t predict that he was going to get shocked (it’s called resisting arrest pal).  It’s not so much that I feel like he deserved it, or that I think the cops couldn’t have gotten him out without violence, it’s just that that’s what happens when you mess around with cops… they fuck you up.  I know this because I tend to be the type of person who messes around with cops after they tell you to stop messing around and as a result I’ve been hit on at least a couple occasions.  I suppose the difference is that why I got hit it was because I had been doing something inappropriate before or after drinking cheap wine / gasoline, and when I woke up I usually felt like it was my own fault.  Since the last time I was hit though I realized that cops are people of authority and people of authority tend to get pissy when their authority is ignored.  So I’ve decided that in the future I’m no longer going to be a smart ass around police officers.

Anyway what I actually wanted to write about is that apparently Andrew Meyers is a huge fan of super douche / lazy blogster  Bill Simmons.

Before I get started, I wanted to acknowledge that yes, I read Bill Simmons. He is in fact my favorite sports writer. But let me be clear: I am not stealing his opinions, and I never will.

At this point I’m wondering what there is to steal from Sports guy.  I suppose that he has cornered the market on J.D. Drew jokes, and … well I guess that’s it.  Simmons has become a farce.  He for some reason acts too big for his britches and has stopped writing in his blog regularly.   He’s also become “Hollywood” after all the guy does hangout with C-listers Jimmy Kimble and Adam Corella.  To save himself from actually doing any real work he’s taken to doing a podcast that is so bad I haven’t been able to make it through a single one yet.  I read on a message board an analogy that I thought was great, reading Sports Guy posts has become almost Pavlovian, I don’t read them because I expect to be entertained, I read them because I see the link on the ESPN homepage.  I really hope that he can pull it together, and write some new stuff that captures whatever it was that he had a couple of years ago, but it has literally been at least 6 months since I have ready anything interesting from him.

The fact that Meyer is a fan doesn’t surprise me at all.  Both are lazy.  Meyer didn’t wait in line to ask his question, Simmons posts once every two weeks.  Both believe that they are more important than they actually are.  Meyer can be seen leading a protest here, while Simmons feeling of self worth is so high he is attempting to turn phone calls with his friends into a podcast.  Finally both irritate me.  I hope that these two can enjoy each others company somewhere far far away from me.

Icky Hump

So the interweb is ablaze today with the news gossip that Meg White may have filmed herself having sex.  My first thought… ewwwww….. My second thought… hmmmmm…

Needless to say I’m more than a little interested in seeing the plainest girl in Rock and Roll have sex.  But for some reason I can’t bring myself to watch it… I don’t know if it’s because I’m a little worried that it won’t actually be her, that it will actually be her, or that someone in my office will catch me watching porn at work.  It’s probably the later though… If anyone else wants to have the same moral dilemma the link can be found here.  Until I build up the courage to watch it I’d love to hear whether people think that it is her or not.

On a completely unrelated note The White Stripes were recently forced to cancel their tour because of Meg’s “acute anxiety”

I use Red Bull the way 1980’s Yuppies used Cocaine.

So, I’m slowly realizing that I may have a problem.  This problem is that I drink Red Bull too much.   As the title of this post suggests I use it like 1980’s urban professionals used cocaine.  I use it when I have a big meeting that I need to feel lively for, to perk myself up when I am tired, to make myself more entertaining around other people, to get through awkward social functions, hell I even use it to get women over to my apartment (why don’t we start at my place I think I have some vodka and Red Bull).  The uses for this product are literally endless, and unfortunately so is my appetite for it.

I remember the first time I had it, back then, it was non-carbonated and it came in little glass vials with Thai writing on it.  You see the Red Bull that is common today was illegal in Canada until only a couple of years ago, so all that you could get back in 2000 was the Thai Red Bull imports and it tasted like shit.

  Back in these days I would have Red Bull with Vodka on ice and it wouldn’t taste very good at all but it would do a job.  Like anyone I started slowly having it once in while at parties, only when other people were doing it.  Right away I noticed that whenever I had it the party seemed to spin out of control, people became less inhibited, and I could keep partying for hours.  It was a fun innocent habit that somehow seemed to match the carefree feeling of the time.  But then in 2003 everything changed.  In 2003 Red Bull as it is now understood by North American culture was released in Canada.

 The first thing that happened was that Red Bull became mainstream cool.  It was no longer only sold in shady Korean bodegas that you had to walk out of your way to get to, now you could get it at any grocery store or gas station.  The can it self became cool to, it was clean and streamlined in a much sexier package then the grimy glass bottles it came in before.  All of the sudden it became acceptable to have a Red Bull in class in the same way that it was fine to drink a Pepsi.  I no longer had to be ashamed that I was having a Red Bull in the library, everyone was doing it.  I carried this habit through my first year in the work world and with me to Miami.  Only in Miami could a small 2 can a week habit turned into what I have now, a 6 can a day problem.  I don’t know what it is about Miami that led me to this problem, maybe it’s the fact that the bars close at 5 and work starts at 9, or maybe it’s the sunshine that doesn’t let me catch the frequent cat naps I became accustomed to while I was in the grey of Toronto and Montreal.  Either way this problem needs to be addressed soon or I know something bad will happen.

Does anyone know of a way that I can ween myself off of this product? I’ve tried smoking a pipe but it tends to dry my mouth out and I alway have to wet it up will a splash of RB.  The only other thought that I had was PCP, but that made work more difficult and less enjoyable.  I’m out of ideas and I need help.

Merrill Howard Kalin

Maybe I’m way behind on this but, I recently caught the show Merrill Howard Kalin Cooks. I don’t know why they don’t show this on Canadian television, he makes cooking look so easy and appetizing. Frankly I didn’t realize how easy it is to make a jello dish with fruit, or a chicken in the microwave. Wowee Kazowee! It tastes so good! It’s unbelievable!

iPhone’s dirty, rotten, no-good marketing campaign.

A whole load of people watched Apples press conference today… How many? I’ m not really sure because I’m too lazy to run a google search to find out, but everything that Mac does is seen by a load of people. They announced the new generation of the iPod are going on sale and I have to admit that I am at least slightly wet for both the 160 GB iPod “classic” and the new iPod “touch”. While both of these products are pretty cool, I must say that there was an announcement at this conference that really irritated me.

Apple announced that they are reducing the cost of all models of the iPhone, by up to $200. Now I didn’t buy an iPhone so this probably shouldn’t really bother me, but I just don’t get how Apple can justify reducing the cost of a product that only came out 53 days ago. It’s not like the products sales and they need to liquidate warehouse space (industry experts claimed the company sold nearly 600,000 phones the first week). I’ve been thinking about it and I really can’t come up with any justification for this other than that Apple did this was because they realized that some people would pay any price for the product, but most of the consumer public would remain unwilling to buy a phone that would probably cost $300 per year of operation, and once the “pay anything” customers had their phones the sales would flat line big time. The problem with this of course is that the people who bought the phone when it first came out are likely the biggest supporters of Mac products. Isn’t this effectively little more than a kick in the balls to the people lined up to pay $600 for an iPhone at the end of June? The logic that any company must employ to think that screwing over it’s most loyal customers is beyond me. I haven’t seen business ethics this skewed since four years ago when the RIAA started suing high school kids for downloading music illegally. At least the RIAA had the law on its side. The funny thing is I really believed that if the company waited until around Christmas and reduced the price then (and perhaps released a red iPhone or something) they would have walked away from this ordeal looking like a model company, instead they only look greedy.

Kiran Chetry: Giving us the news we care about.

I should preface this post by saying that in general I don’t watch CNN very often, but I do play around on the internet and watch random clips that happen to come my way.  More and more often one journalist seems to be behind these clips; that journalist Kiran Chetry.  In case you were as unaware as I cnn.com states that:

Chetry joined CNN in February 2007 and immediately began anchoring various CNN programs including American Morning, Anderson Cooper 360º, Paula Zahn Now and CNN Newsroom. Previously, Chetry was the anchor of Fox & Friends First and Fox & Friends Weekend for the Fox News Channel. She has covered major breaking news stories including reports from the field during the aftermath of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, the Columbia Space Shuttle disaster, the invasion of Baghdad and Hurricane Katrina.

While Chetry may have been covered many of the most important American news stories of the last ten years, a quick google reveals that what really made her famous.  Chetry has clawed her way to the top of the broadcasting totem pole, by not being afraid to do what it takes to get there and by covering any story at all.  She will have an awkward interview with a spelling bee champion, call co-workers from the bathtub, jump on a pogo-stick in high heels and a short skirt, hit the street with an ugly dog, talk to a pedophile, get pied by a clown,  perpetuate French stereotypes, talk down to Hillbillies about Politics, watch Panda pornography, sit on Santa’s lap and flirt with him, and sleep on the street.  Oh yeah she’s also pretty hot and not afraid to dress up as as a sexy video game character for Halloween.

Nope Sorry.

Ever since I moved to Miami I’ve been making a inordinate amount of long distance calls. It probably has something to do with the fact that I refuse to speak to the 85% of the population of Miami that is functionally retarded. Regardless I tend to make a lot of calls to Canada and other cities up in the North East. To save my phone bill I’ve been using skype, and it’s $29.99 per/ year unlimited outcall plan. The problem with this of course is that I am unable to get in calls on my skype phone, and so what usually happens is that I have people call me on my mobile and then depending on whether or not I can get to a phone I either call them back on skype, or I just take the charge on my cell. It’s a pretty simple system but apparently there is a new way for me to consolidate.

Enter the Plantroics Calisto Pro. This one device will take my cellphone, landline, and skype calls while single handedly ruining my sex life. I mean look at this late-term design abortion. It is possibly the ugliest phone I’ve ever seen and at just this side of three hundred dollars you’d expect that it would at least look good enough to get you laid. While I would never be so shallow as to not sleep with someone because of their phone, we are living in a material world and most of the women I sleep with are material girls whores who just might might not get loose in the pants if I’m carrying this phone. The device itself is pretty cool, though I’m still confused about how it can take calls from a landline while mobile (doesn’t the landline then become a cell). Also I’m not sure if I would be able to trust the brand name, Plantronics, because it sounds like the type of name that they would put on The Flintstones, one which just close enough to a real brand that you recognize it but far enough away that they can’t be sued.

I’ll admit that I may not be the target market for this item but I probably could be and I’m sure that there are thousands dozens of young people out there who use three different phones and would be will to join them all together if a product came out that looked cool and functioned well. The shame is that it’s almost a sure thing that someone in the near future will make a phone that does all of the exact same things but it will look good, and a load of people will buy it. Too bad Plantronics, too bad.

Turtles

I think that The Simpsons said it right when they suggested in the episode where Bart gets an elephant, that “just like humans some animals are jerks.” I dig this turtle. He’s got spunk, even though he’s way smaller he’s kicking ass.

I do not like this turtle though, he’s clearly a sexual deviant.  I bet that he lives in his moms basement and he has a drawer full of Turtle snuff films.