Monthly Archives: June 2007

Joakim Noah Syles for Miles.

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I’m not sure what I can say that hasn’t already been said.  I mean we all know that he looks like an idiot.  I sort of half respect him for it.  I mean he literally doesn’t give a shit.  We all remember him dancing in the tournament, I thought that that was the stupidest he’d ever look and then he uses the draft to break his own record.  Good for him. 

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Filed under Bulls, Joakim Noah, NBA Draft, Searsucker Tuxedo, Sports, Style

Power Rankings “Friday June 29th 2007”

1.       Kimbo Slice:  Kimbo is a trained killer.  The fight was really really fun.  The People were Hill-air-eh-ous.  I’ve never felt like I am a really small person but at this fight I was tiny.  I feel like most of the people there were capable of eating me and all were capable of punching my head off (a la Rambo).  To make matters more interesting fights kept breaking out in the audience also.  To say that the audience was stupid is also a bit of an understatement.  One quote heard from people sitting behind us was “This ain’t nothin’ like on Tee-Vee on Tee-Vee there’s blood and Gutts and Shit.”  The fight itself was out of control there were 13 fights and even the bad ones (mismatches) were good because it usually meant that someone was going to get kicked in the face.  By the time main event finally rolled around it had been discovered that not only was Kimbo’s opponent 46 years old he also had Hepatitis, I knew that there was no way that Kimbo was going to lose to a guy with the Hep and he didn’t.  He beat that old man in about 1:15 with a choke hold.  It was also really great that we got to go with 5 of my college friends.   

2.       Philly:  I spent the weekend in Philly it was a lot of fun.  It’s refreshing to go out somewhere that isn’t as vagrant as Miami Beach.  On Thursday night I made a tab and Lisa and I drank off of it all night when the bill came it was like $42 or as I saw it two drinks with tips on the beach.  I couldn’t believe how happy I was for this tab.  Then I realized that this is how most of the rest of the world works and I started to get a little concerned that I consider a $9 Stella pretty standard. 

3.       iPhone:  The iPhone comes out today and trust fund hipsters of the world have rejoiced.  While I will agree that the phone is cool, and I will admit that when it came out I was really into it, I just don’t see myself waiting in line for a phone that costs $599.  I mean could you imagine the people who would line up for any other phone?  The Jr. VP’s in navy blue suits lined up for the new blackberry… Nah that probably wouldn’t happen they wouldn’t be able to get the time off of work.  I wonder what the price of this phone will be on ebay this week.  My guess is that one sells for like $1500 to some idiot. 

4.       People from My High School That I found on facebook: Say Cheese!s122605630_4826.jpg

 

5.       Internet Radio: Internet Radio broadcasters went silent this week in protest against an increase in royalties that are being charged by the record labels.  The issue stems from the fact that in the past Internet radio stations were being charged 10%-15% of their operating budgets (compared to 7% for Satellite radio and nothing for broadcast radio).  New royalty rates are forcing internet radio to pay royalties at a per-song rate (retroactive to 2006).  This rate would represent somewhere from 95%-115% of most of these internet radio stations budgets and would force most of the radio stations to shut down.

6.       Las Vegas Super Sonics:  The Las Vegas Super Sonics got remarkably better last night by getting two picks in the first 5 of the draft.  They landed Kevin Durrant and Jeff Green.  Personally I’m shocked (but happy that Celtics traded away the pick).  I also think that the Hawks might be better off than people think… The addition of Acie Law, and Al Horford might make them legit if all things work out. 

7.       $2-$4 Limit Poker:  I played $2-$4 limit for a long time in Atlantic City after the fight.  The best part about it is that it is such a meaningless amount of money that you can play all night and usually not do too badly.  I played for about 11 hours straight after the fight and ended up about $200 in the black.    

8.       Picking my nose at work:  It’s like picking your Nose Xtream, because there always the risk someone might see you. 

9.       Eugene McGuinness: (http://www.myspace.com/eugenemcguinness85)  A really good new artist who sounds like the Shins, with a bit more of a low-fi high-fi mix.  He has released three songs on his myspace and his first album The Early Learnings of Eugene McGuinness is out 8/6 in the UK on Double Six Records (a domino spin off).  

10.   Airlines:  So I ended up sleeping in and just about missing my flight Monday morning I got to the airport 40 mins before it left and I was sure that I would make it.  But apparently US Airways had other ideas.  As is their policy of over selling every fight, they oversold the flight.  But instead of letting me and 5 others cross the gate, thus entitling us to a free round trip if we were to give up our flights, they held us at the gate until the plane took off and then let us through, thus entitling us to nothing.  Even worse we had to fly standby on another overbooked flight.  Luckily I turned on the old Charmsky and managed to get on the flight.  

11.   Man Man:  I saw man man Tuesday night at Studio A.  Overall it was a pretty entertaining show and the two openers were two of the better ones that I’ve seen in South Florida. 

12.   Toronto:  By this time next week I’ll hopefully be back in Toronto.  I’m really excited for it.  I haven’t been back for more than a night since I moved to Miami in January. 

13.   NFL Europa Folds:  Now who am I going to have to play as when I play against Shapiro in Madden?   

14.   Jokes:  Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they aren’t.  I prefer it when they are. 

15.   Japanese Television:  I heard that this show swept the Japanese Grammy’s this year.

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Filed under douchebags, Hepatitis Medicine, Life, lonely mustachioed men with sweaty palms, Miami, Music, NBA, Philly, Power Ranking, Sports, sucksville, Uncategorized

Old Balls+Action=An Interesting Debate

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It came to my attention yesterday that a new Rambo movie will be hitting
theatres in the next year.  See the new trailor here.  As a loyal reader of
Sacs in the City you already know that Indiana Jones will be back on the
silver screen soon as well.  Unless you live under a rock you should also be
aware of the newest Die Hard film.  With all three of these movies dropping,
an internal debate amongst your loyal editors began as to which character –
John J. Rambo, Indiana Jones, or John McClane – reigns supreme in the world of
geriatric action stars.  In order to rate them we’ll compare them in three
categories – who we’d rather fight, who we’d rather get drunk with, and who
likely does better with the femininas. 

Put up your dukes:

In this category I think the winner is pretty clear.  Rambo is a literal one many army.  He obliterated a whole Sheriff’s Department in First Blood, takes on the Vietnamese, Soviets and corrupt American superiors in First Blood: Part II, and tries to prevent the war effort in Afghanistan from ever even beginning in Rambo III.  That’s a serious laundry list of enemies, and John J. doesn’t discriminate.  He dominates everyone in sight with some of the best weapons ever seen.  John McClane has had to deal with some pretty crazy Euro Sleaze-bag terrorists as well as some ex-special forces Americans but I don’t know if he’s up to Rambo’s level.  Indie has only had to deal with Nazi’s over the years and that’s just lame.  Plus I just can’t respect the whip.  The latest rumour I heard about the new one is that it has an alien twist.  I really hope that’s untrue but either way Indie is a straight up Nancy compared to the other two.  If we took weapons out of the equation here’s what I think might happen if I stepped up toe to toe against the three.  Rambo probably either rips my windpipe out or punches my head off.  John McClane stabs me with an icicle through the eye-socket.  I’m pretty sure I could take Indie down with a nice right hook to the jaw.  In this category the nod goes to John J. with a close second to McClane.

Party time:

We here a Sacs in the City enjoy a few casuals from time to time and there is no doubt that we would love to get crunk with all three of these legends.  If we’re all at a bar together I’m pretty sure Rambo would annoy the shit out of me because he’s such a depressed, whiny bitch.  On top of that, I can barely understand the guy sober so I’m pretty sure some serious sub-titles would be necessary after a few.  Indie would be cool because he’s a pretty smart dude and I’m sure would have lots of crazy shit ready to blow my mind, but he’s probably the type of asshole that brings a book to the bar and reads it by himself in the corner.  McClane, well he’s definitely my pick.  Just looking at the guy you can tell he can party his face off.  He’d be the first guy to throw a punch, jump on the fat chick grenade for a buddy or drop to his knees for an impromptu silent drum solo on the street outside the bar.  No question here, I’m getting saucy with John McClane.

Who’s got game:

This is a tough one to gauge, especially since I lack a vagina to tell me what to do.  Since I don’t know any “real” women, I called in fellow blogger abarclay12 for some advice.  Here’s her take:

I’m gonna have to go with John McClane.  He was funny and hot and that’s my type.  Rambo needed major antidepressants, and Indiana Jones was always off on adventures to crazy places I don’t go to, like India.

You heard it here first, chicks like funny and hot guys.  I do tend to agree though.  McClane is just such a hard-ass and has a never ending supply of amazing one-liners.  Indie has had his share of love interests and I’m sure he doesn’t disappoint.  He’s a pretty smart cookie and not too tough on the eyes either.  The travelling would probably appeal to many as well.  Rambo looks like he’s been in about twelve too many kick to the face contests, and most ladies aren’t usually enthused by the thought of bedding down in a nice patch of jungle rainforest. 

All in all, I think John McClane is a hands down winner.  Indie is all brains, no brawn.  Plus he’s afraid of snakes.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going near those fuckers but in this contest that’s a major strike against him.  Rambo is an absolute killing machine but lacks any semblance of a personality.  McClane is the total package.  He loves walking on glass, mocks his enemies after stealing weapons off his victims (HO HO HO, Now I have a machine gun,) and knows Reginald VelJohnson.  He has truly Yipeekayee’d his way into my heart.  Disagree?  Don’t be shy.

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Filed under Action, Bruce Willis, Die Hard, Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones, Movies, Old Balls, Rambo, Sylvester Stallone, Violence

Spice Bag’s United

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 Well the Spice Girls are back together and touring the world and some immediate questions jump out:

Were the Spice Girls always this weird looking?

How were these women ever sex symbols?

Can Baby Spice Speak?

Did they actually compare themselves to the Rolling Stones?

Did Scary Spice used to be a man? 

Is she going to haunt my dreams?

When Did Gerry become such a frail hippy? 

Is she actually that much older than the other girls?

If they are such good friends how come they can’t be in the same room for a news conference?

Is it true that the most successful thing any of them did after the band was to marry a soccer player?

Is it really fair for them to refer to themselves as “girls” when they are clearly women?

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Filed under Music, Shitty Music, Spice Girls, Uncategorized, Victoria Beckham

White People Flock to Wilco Concert: Self-Loathing Hipsters Shocked

 

NEW YORK, NY (AP) – June 27, 2007

Despite the fact that the band Wilco is featured in Volkwagon commericals and is frequently mocked as “NPR Rock,” local hipsters were in shock over the absence of any visible minorities at their recent New York engagement.

“God, this is obscene.  Look at all these white people! I should have just hung out at an Audi dealership,” said Ed Curtain, a Williamsburg scenester whose complexion can be best compared to mayonnaise.

 “I mean, seriously, I’m physically ill just standing outside the venue.  Christ, this crowd makes me want to puke,” commented Crystal Stallings, a young pasty-white law student currently living in a Brownstone in Park Slope with her friends from Brown.

The concert, held at the Hammerstein Ballroom, was a capacity show whose audience featured a number of self-identified writers, grad students, white collar desk jockeys, and Subaru owners. 

And while the music has been classified as “the antithesis of soul,” the audience was inexplicably enamored by the derth of melanin in the arena.

Two drunken frat-type revelers scurried quickly towards the exit as the house music blared Curtis Mayfield’s “Superfly.”  The young men, identifying themselves as “Bro” and “Broseph” noted that, while the show “was fucking awesome, bro,” they thought it was humorous that “so many fucking dirty hipsters and old yuppies are in the same fucking place, bro.” 

They then informed some female concert-goers that their dad was an Executive VP at Goldman and ordered another round of Jagerbombs.

While no one can explain the opaque make-up of the crowd, there were many awkward high-fives, poor dancing, and lots of “Woooos!!!” to accompany the mellow acoustic guitars and gritty vocals of Wilco lead Jeff Tweedy.

Investigations into this situation will continue at next weekend’s “Cat Power” show.

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Filed under douchebags, hipsters, Uncategorized, Wilco

Kanye West still spits fire.

While it seems like many of the artists in the music industry, specifically the hip-hop community, are contempt to make shit,  (see: Curtis) one who it seems doesn’t is Kanye West (we’ll unless you count his lazy young folks sample).  Kanye constantly spits fire.  His new single Stronger, is no different.  While the album, Graduation won’t hit shelves until late August, you’ll probably be able to hear most of it before then. 

You can watch the entire video here.  One thing that is interesting to note is that Kanye Seems to be biting Calvin Harris style with the glasses, and the techno beat.

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Filed under 50 Cent, Curtis, Daft Punk, Kanye West, Music

True legends never die they cash in.

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I’ve been hearing for years that a new Indiana Jones was going to come out and I never really believed it but here is the proof.  A dried up dusty old man sitting on a porch in a rocking chair.

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Filed under Cash grab, Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones, Life, Uncategorized