One of my greatest friends in the world has been traveling South East Asia for almost a year (his blog can be seen in our blog roll). This man legend makes his triumphant return to Toronto next Wednesday and in honor of the celebration we at Sacs in The City would like to give everyone the top 15 moments in the life of Will Nelson as decided by three of us in a work email conversation. You can also check out a youtube of him and his 40 Year Old Virgin Halloween costume here.
1. Rockcliffe (a bar), ’01: Nelson tries to pick up the chick that works at Godfather’s Pizza. No luck. When he gets back to camp, he spends an hour or two quietly vomiting over the log in the NorWester section.
2. Kingston, ’02: Nelson’s 19th Birthday. After several consecutive ridiculous acts of drunken stupidity, Nelson is respectfully ejected from “the Shot”. His response was to pound on the glass while repeating: “Willie Nelson, 4-20”.
3. The Hole, ’03: Nelson goes out for a BIG night at the Cliffe after a stressful few days teaching woodcraft. 4:30 am that night, after Nelson vomited at least 3 times in our cabin, I MAC and I drag him to the staff lounge. We all spend the night there to escape the ungodly smell in our cabin perpetrated by Nelson’s voluminous puking. Oh ya. Nelson also fought Kasparian outside of cabin 3 that night on his way back to the cabin, and then yelled, repeatedly, “Trailblazers don’t wake up when you yell”.
4.Katie and Deena’s backyard, ’04: Nelson and Jack Larsen each funnel a mickey of Vodka. Then Nelson lightly tackles some random chick. The girl calls her boyfriend (a real tough guy) and he comes to ‘settle the score’. No fisticuffs ensued, but, long after the guy had left, Nelson began yelling, repeatedly, at the top of his lungs, “You f***ing P**** C**t”. Then when Katie told Will that everyone was going home, he replied “Katie, I know everyone is going home…But I AM NOT going home”.
Amendment*. The girl actually beat up Nelson, and he had a black eye and fat lip the next day.
5. Alfies, ’04: The Kerouac show…I don’t even want to discuss this one.
6. Nelson comes to a hockey game with Scott Blue, his girlfriend and I. After having only had 2 hotdogs and a snickers bar for dinner he proceeds to order 3 large beers at the game. By the end of the second period Nelson is visibly drunk after the game we go to Stones place on a guest list that I have gotten from work Nelson gets so drunk that he hits on these random girls in front of his girlfriend before deciding right before the bar is closing that he wants to smoke weed. Nelson smokes weed and then jumps in a cab to go home with his girlfriend. In the cab ride home he hallucinates and tells his girlfriend first that he thinks that they are being kidnapped and second that that he has no idea who she is. Later that night he pukes in the bed that the two of them are sleeping in.
7. Nelson comes to Montreal and drinks a boatload of beer, wine and Jack Daniels at the last bar we go to Nelson makes friends with a local / Cocaine dealer. After order both him and his new friend a shot of whiskey Nelson pukes all over himself, the bar, and the bartender. Less than five minutes later Nelson tries to order a drink and the bartender lets him know that he is cut off. He asks what for legitimately forgetting that he had puked.
8. Nelson meets nine of his friends at the Sky Dome to watch a baseball. Everyone was coming from work and dressed in business casual clothes, Nelson who had taken a “personal day” from work wears a starter jacket, short shorts, a 1994 Jays World Series commemorative hat, and a baseball glove. In the third inning a foul ball is hit directly into Nelsons glove, yet he is unable to squeeze it and the ball rolls 5 rows in front. Nelson is booed by the entire section only seconds before the foul ball replays the jumbotron and he is booed by the entire crowed, for the rest of the game we have a camera man near us, and whenever Nelson is on the screen he is booed.
9. Nelson while drunk is convinced that he can drive back to camp, but decides that he had better make two plans. The first is to sober himself up, this is accomplished by eating 9 peanut butter cookies and drinking a bottle of water. The second is to fool the police in the off chance that he is pulled over in the 2 miles between the Rockcliffe and camp. If pulled over Nelson decides that he will turn the car off throw the keys out the window and pretend he is asleep.
10. Nelson after drinking until 5 in the morning decides that he is going to go whitewater canoeing at 7:30. Within the first hour he raps a canoe, ruining it and is forced to replace it at a cost of $700
Amendment* A few of us were going to the river, and Nelson thought that after being a rockstar at BJ Palooza, he would try his hand at whitewater canoeing. After sleeping on the rocks at the river for the first hour, we were doing the last run and some people fishing woke him up. I drew the short straw, and was left with Nelson (other choices were two girls who went quick; Drunk Deena, and her friend Kelly who has never been in a canoe). Also, I was charged $850.
12. Homecoming last year where I threw an egg and it hit him in the ear so he suplexed me and then ran off because he thought he was bleeding.
13. Nelson’s Homecoming uniform (white aviators, overalls without a shirt, keg cup in one hand and the other up in the air pumping a ‘rock on’ sign)
14. Two months of treeplanting (long story)
15. Getting the second worst mark on a multiple choice test in a Greek Mythology class of 710 people at Queens…. after I gave him my answer sheet to copy.
16.When he finished exams before us in first year, then came by my rez room to tell me how drunk he was getting…. then with Sandy’s help we moved his bed into the lobby of the rez, slippers included. Nelson proceeds to drag his bedsheet into the elevator but was too slow and the doors closed and ripped/greased his sheets in half. Then in a huff he was against using the elevator so tried to drag his bed up 6 flights of stairs, falling asleep on his mattress at the base of the first set. It still reads “Will Nelson Slept Here” with a drunk arrow he drew when I was hunting around for him with a marker to draw on his face but thought that would be more suitable.