Category Archives: boobies

Which one of these guys is not like the others?

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It’s official.  There is no longer any reason to watch Wimbledon.  Maria Sharapova was defeated today by one of those Williams sisters.  All the rain delays this year really dampened the spirits and clingy white tops of the ladies involved, but did nothing to mute the orgasmic cries that are the real trademark of the game.  Is it just me or at one point in time did people manage to hit the ball without screaming bloody murder?

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Filed under Action, boobies, Maria Sharapova, tennis, Wimbledon

You Know What This Is…

Sacs in the City is now a week old and it’s time to celebrate (I’m wearing a party hat and drinking sparkling wine out of the bottle right now.)  So far we three delicous editors are having a great time and we know you are too.  Oh wait….we actually have no idea.  This is because no one other than us and the beautiful and talented abarclay12 of leaky brain fame have left us any comments.  We were under the impression that you tools would speak up.  I know the writing has been insightful, the grammar and style flawless, and the subject matter beyond many, but for fucks sake let us know what you think people!  We were really counting on a bunch of twat waffles with nothing to do, not unlike ourselves, to run their mouths off warranting witty and downright cruel responses from us.  If no one speaks up I swear to Jebus we’ll shut this mother down!  Go ahead call our bluff….

or just keep lurking and boosting our stats.   That’s right, we can see you, and I can’t keep travelling around to every public computer in my area and logging on for much longer.

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Filed under boobies, Life, spoiled rich kids who deserve a hot coffee enema, The Ship is Sinking, twat waffle

Sunday Night Bites….

I’ve never been a huge fan of awards shows in general, but I’m pretty sure the Much Music Video Awards are the hugest waste of time since this years NBA Finals.  For any of you (is anyone reading this anyways?) who don’t know Much Music is the Canadian equivilant of MTV.  The cool part of the show is that they shut down the streets around the studio, set up numerous stages, and have tonnes of live performances.  Unfortunately all the performers are shit, (you guessed it, Fergie WAS available) and the fans never shut up so you can’t hear any of the pure genius of the hottest B-listers of Hollywood who’ve made the long trek up North to plug their latest crap.  Lets put it this way, if Paris wasn’t in jail she definitely would have been skanking it up with Tara Reid (I’m pretty sure that’s her but it’s hard to tell because that broad looks sober and has her tits in.)  The thing that bothers me more than anything about this event is that the same bands/people are nominated for every award.  In true predictable fashion, everyone who performed was entitled to at least one hand out.  The highlight of the show was definitely all the on air swearing which we can now hear blanked out over and over again as the show will no doubt be replayed for the next two weeks on loop.  (I’m torturing myself again right now actually)  I was still pretty hung over last night and I was close to throwing up everytime I remembered that the best Canada has to offer the mainstream music industry is Avril, Hedley, Billy Talent, that guys awful hair,  Alexisonfire, and (dry heaving) Nickelback.  I’d like to take this moment to apologize profusely for this.  Fuck you Chad Kroeger, I hope you rot in hell, and have to listen to yourself for the rest of eternity.

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Filed under awards, boobies, Chad Kroeger, douchebags, Music

Wear a Bra, Put Down the Ring-Ding

                                                    

It’s a familiar story for rich NYC folk. 

It starts with a tubby young rapscallion’s whiny demands for a Kinder Surprise (But the toy!  It’s got a fucking toy!), becomes a twelve year-old tinker-tits ramming Jimmie Dean’s “Pancake N’ Sausage On A Stick” down his gullet like a Vivid contract girl, and ends with a Exeter-bound douchebag demanding breast reduction surgery.

As a recent NY Times article points out, more and more males ages 13 to 19 are going under the knife in order to avoid the mockery that tends to accompany luscious, luscious male breast meat.  The piece in question tries to lay the blame on our modern body-conscious society, hormonal imbalances, hip-hop, illegal immigrants, and the obesity epidemic.* To wit:

“…Adolescent boys also no longer have the patience to outgrow a little breast puffiness. Boys these days are much more in tune with trying to look good, to try to look like the models on the covers of the fitness magazines.”  (No homo.  Just in case.)

Nowhere in the article is it asked why these kids have developed all these booby hormones, or how they developed fun bags larger than the pair on the last girl I hooked-up with.   

The reason is quite simple.  The proliferation of breast reduction surgery among thirteen year-old boys with lush B-cup boobies is the fault of rich NYC parents.  You have failed miserably at life and should be impaled on the flagpin of the 7th hole of your shitty country club in Rye. 

Your kid looks like the fat guy in P.M. Dawn.  That ain’t hormones….that’s Hostess. 

Stop coddling the rich hunk of shit, tell him to stop stroking it so much, and send him out to run in the Park so I can make fun of him.

*Some of these might not have appeared in the article, but, c’mon, I can read between the lines.  

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Filed under boobies, douchebags, katie has some big ass tit-tays, spoiled rich kids who deserve a hot coffee enema