August 16th is my birthday. I love August 16th. I’m not one of those people that pretends that they hate they hate their birthday. I love the attention that I get, I love the cake, and I love the drinking.
August 17th on the other hand I hate. On the day after your birthday it’s like people are fed up with you, often they go out of their way to be rude and if you say anything about it they just mention that they ate cake with you the day before. It’s only 11:30 but I am well on route to having one of the worst August 17th’s ever. I woke up on my kitchen floor fully dressed (including shoes) already late for work. I came to two conclusions very quickly. Conclusion 1) I’m painfully hungover and sore from spending the night sleeping on Mexican tile. Conclusion 2) today is going to suck. I shower and head off to work, thinking I’ll just make one quick stop to pick up an egg and cheese on my way. I stop and somehow stuck in a line at the bagel store behind 4 cops. I realize that I am really hungover, look like a bag of shit and if the cops wanted to there a good shot that they could arrest me on a DUI so I try to pull myself together. I can’t. I am next in line when it strikes me… I am going to puke. Midway through saying “everything bagel egg and cheese with a water” I have to run to the bathroom and kiss porcelain. The worst part about the whole experience someone else has peed in the toilet and not flushed. I’m literally blowing my now fully digested birthday dinner into someone else’s piss. I’ve hit a new low. Now is the part of the story where I should let everyone know that I am a violent heaver… I make sounds. When I come out of the bathroom everyone everyone in the store knows that I’ve been puking and is staring at me, the kid with 8 fingers working behind the counter looks at me and asks if I’m alright… I reply with something along the lines of I’m a lot better than whoever has to clean up that bathroom and I leave with my egg sandwich and orange juice. On my way into the office I get an email from my boss asking if I have any plans of coming in to the office. I let him know that I’m almost there. When I arrive he lets me know that my behavior is unacceptable and than he piles on work for me to do… He’s very disappointed. Instead of doing the work that I am given I am writing a blog post so it is now a foregone conclusion that when the work isn’t completed I will get another stern talking to.
If anything else goes wrong I’ll write it up in the comment section. If not I’ll probably pretend to be conscious at my desk for the next 8 or 9 hours.