White People Flock to Wilco Concert: Self-Loathing Hipsters Shocked


NEW YORK, NY (AP) – June 27, 2007

Despite the fact that the band Wilco is featured in Volkwagon commericals and is frequently mocked as “NPR Rock,” local hipsters were in shock over the absence of any visible minorities at their recent New York engagement.

“God, this is obscene.  Look at all these white people! I should have just hung out at an Audi dealership,” said Ed Curtain, a Williamsburg scenester whose complexion can be best compared to mayonnaise.

 “I mean, seriously, I’m physically ill just standing outside the venue.  Christ, this crowd makes me want to puke,” commented Crystal Stallings, a young pasty-white law student currently living in a Brownstone in Park Slope with her friends from Brown.

The concert, held at the Hammerstein Ballroom, was a capacity show whose audience featured a number of self-identified writers, grad students, white collar desk jockeys, and Subaru owners. 

And while the music has been classified as “the antithesis of soul,” the audience was inexplicably enamored by the derth of melanin in the arena.

Two drunken frat-type revelers scurried quickly towards the exit as the house music blared Curtis Mayfield’s “Superfly.”  The young men, identifying themselves as “Bro” and “Broseph” noted that, while the show “was fucking awesome, bro,” they thought it was humorous that “so many fucking dirty hipsters and old yuppies are in the same fucking place, bro.” 

They then informed some female concert-goers that their dad was an Executive VP at Goldman and ordered another round of Jagerbombs.

While no one can explain the opaque make-up of the crowd, there were many awkward high-fives, poor dancing, and lots of “Woooos!!!” to accompany the mellow acoustic guitars and gritty vocals of Wilco lead Jeff Tweedy.

Investigations into this situation will continue at next weekend’s “Cat Power” show.



Filed under douchebags, hipsters, Uncategorized, Wilco

3 responses to “White People Flock to Wilco Concert: Self-Loathing Hipsters Shocked

  1. palestinmiami

    Seems to me like the type of show where a lot of bologna sandwiches are eaten. Honestly though, I was born and raised in Canada and for us it’s always hard to get a minority out.

  2. fruffy

    I agree. I’m pretty sure that description was true for every show I’ve seen in T. The amount of “wooooo’s” depended on whether Will Nelson was there or not.

  3. Andrew

    Thinks like this ruined Radiohead for me back when I was young and self-loathing.

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