Review From The Sac (6/26)

 

As any music snob worth their whispy mustache will tell you, artist reputation, advance hype, and internet message boards always tell you more about what’s going on than actually listening to the album. So every Tuesday, Sacs will head to BestBuy, stare at the shelves, and tell you what’s really good with this week’s newest offerings.  Because, hey, you wouldn’t want to sit through a Ryan Philippe movie, so why take the trouble to listen to Rob Thomas… 

Beastie Boys – The Mix Up

            This is the classic head-scratcher.  I mean it is the Beastie Boys and they have really only released one album that I haven’t listened to at least 50 times, but it just happens that that album was their last.  They’re trying something new again with this all instrumental album, but they are getting old.  Telling me this shit is good is like insisting my grandfather was once knee deep in pussy.  It might very well be true, but they both involve old men doing stuff that they should no longer be doing.  I know that I’m going to get it and probably be disappointed but at least you know that they probably won’t come out with another album for like 3 years.  It’s sort of like a tax that I’m willing to pay them because they were so good in the developmental stages of my life. 

Pharoache Monch – Desire

            Monch is Monarch….without the A&R.  That was your terrible record industry joke of the week.   

Hannah Montana – Original Soundtrack

            With each purchase, you are automatically added to Chris Hansen’s Predator watch-list.  

Rihanna – Good Girl Gone Bad

            This albums proves that dreams do come true…so long as you’re willing to blow Jay-Z.  And Memphis Bleek.  And that guy that carries their weed.  And presumably their doorman.   

Various Artists – Nelly Furtado Smooth Jazz Tribute

            This album comes complete with a tote-bag, knitting needle, and menopause hormone supplements. 

Yung Ro – Welcome 2 Nobodyland

            Yes, indeed. 

Ray Charles and Friends – Ray Charles and Friends

Johnny Cash – The Lowdown 

              It wouldn’t be a Tuesday in post 2004 North America if we didn’t get an album by Ray Charles and Johnny Cash.  Seriously, are they actually trying to sell more albums dead than alive?  I mean it makes sense they both have estates that need to be settled.  I hope that when I die I don’t have any artistic ability that my family can exploit from me for their own gain.  Skip these albums.  Just listen to the ones that you already have and know are good. 

DMX – The Definition of X: The Pick of the litter

        That’s right now you can own the best of a millionaire who was once arrested for impersonating an officer while trying to steal a car from an airports long term parking lot.  This album reeks of desperation.  It feels like the Captain of the Rough Riders owes someone some serious cake.  Skip it and when the album doesn’t do well don’t walk down any dark alleys, because it doesn’t seem like X is above rolling you.

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4 Comments

Filed under Beastie Boys, Dead Musicians, DMX, Hannah Montana, Music, Rihanna, Shitty Music, Smooth Jazz

4 responses to “Review From The Sac (6/26)

  1. Pingback: Jazz Artist » Blog Archive » jazz artist June 26, 2007 7:44 pm

  2. Elvi Patterson!

    Dude, Rihanna looks like a tranny.

  3. palestinmiami

    Hey there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting blown by a tranny… I just may have said too much.

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