Small-time Brewer, Patriot, and complete asshat, Tom Seefurth, has achieved the impossible: he has made the American Happy Hour Hero even fucking lazier. How you might ask? By crafting the world’s first Pizza Beer
Fan-fucking-tastic. Between NYC prep kids and the PGA Tour, America already has 93% of the world’s man titties. Can you imagine the excitement of your standard Arby’s customer right about now?
“Pizza flavored beer! Fucking. Awesome.”
“Mash up my food, toss in some alcohol, and serve it to me through a goddamn straw. Nah, wait, fuck that, it’s not even good enough. I need more.
“Intravenously shoot heavy cream directly into my bloodstream…yeah, that’s the stuff. Oh, that’d be terrific.”
“And while you’re at it, grab a turkey baster, stuff it nice and deep, and blast me with a bacon grease enema.”
First, KFC Famous Bowls and now this. It’s official: American blood is equal parts gravy and cheese curd.